Worst Records of 2010

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Hadouken!: PLEASE MAKE IT STOP...

Amidst the abundance of wonderful, inspiring records released in 2010, there were also a handful of stinkers so unspeakably bad that they deserve to be shamed. Some were merely coma-inducingly tedious, others were self-important in epic proportions; the worst were so sadistically unlistenable they would cause nightmares for even the least discerning of listeners. Be warned: approach this catalogue of horror at your peril...

10. Blonde Redhead – Penny Sparkle (4AD)
Ditched guitars for electronica and experimental self-indulgence. Failed to sparkle.

9. Interpol – Interpol (Matador)
Gloomy post-punk and droning baritone stuck to type, but this time: no songs.

8. Crystal Castles – Crystal Castles (Fiction)
Destined henceforth to be scene but not heard.

7. Teenage Fanclub – Shadows (PeMa)
Ageing early fans cooed – proving a band now better suited to dinner parties than teenage fanclubs.

6. The Miserable Rich – Of Flight and Fury (Humble Soul)
Throttled the tongue-in cheek whimsy out of Neil Hannon’s chamber/baroque shtick. The bon mots and personality, too.

5. The National – High Violet (4AD)
Insipid, lumbering (and critically acclaimed) heartland-post-punk guff made by the most boring people in the world for the most boring people in the world.

4. Midlake – The Courage Of Others (Bella Union)
Wearisome, timid progressive folk drivel made by the most boring people in the world for the most boring people in the world. No great critical kudos, either.

3. The Courteeners – Falcon (Polydor)
A record so aggressively dreadful musically that you would be forgiven for missing Liam Fray’s wretched, misogynistic lyrics and nauseating cornball delivery.

2. Tobacco – Maniac Meat (Anticon)
Genuinely murderous faux-rap/crap-hop/psycho-rock effort from screw-loose loon Tom Fec. Impossible even to make it through one full play of two cuts featuring Beck’s moderating influence.

1. Hadouken! – For The Masses (Noisia)
The Leeds quintet proved their shamelessly disgusting genre-hopping trend-following bandwagon-jumping ‘career’ had run it’s course with this risible dance dirge which even the most chemically elevated scenesters couldn’t dance to, and the horrified casual radio listener couldn’t avoid given a chart placing (#19) which categorically proves the record buying public can’t be trusted. One positive: bad enough to give genuine hope there won’t be a next time.

Try some better records released in 2010 or check out the best songs of the year. 

Short Cuts! New Releases 1/2/2010

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*** Digestible run-downs of this week’s new releases, including track recommendations from THE POPSCENER***

From the sublime to the ridiculous this week...

Soft Pack - The Soft Pack

Cheering me up from the get-go isn’t a bad route to currying favour, so the fact that The Soft Pack bursts into life with a throwaway guitar chord and a relentless hi-hat hardly hinders its prospects for a positive review. Whilst nothing else quite touches opener ‘C’mon’ for pitch-perfect honing of Replacement-esque recklessness, plenty (‘Answer To Yourself’, ‘Move Along’) come close, as a breakneck half hour of breathless bliss surfs its way to crest of 2010’s garage-rock wave. Released in June and it would’ve been the sound of the Summer – a joyfully lively, well-crafted and coherent effort.

Choice Cuts: ‘C’mon’, ‘Answer To Yourself’, ‘Move Along’, ‘More or Less’

8.5/10

Los Campesinos - Romance Is Boring

The Cardiff band have always been a favourite with the fanzines, but their third coming seems to have provoked a muted response this time round; a raised eyebrow replacing wide-eyed enthusiasm. If I were a betting man, I’d suggest this was because they’re still trading in the same currency that won their debut a coterie of admires – Romance is Boring duly offers up the usual painful mix of shy, rambling emo platitudes and a propensity for being extroverted about their social and emotional impotence, backed with familiarly punky indie-pop. Again, the hits typically revolve around  the more breathless beats (‘There Are Listed Buildings’), while the misses (‘Straight in at 101’) afford singer Gareth the kind of excruciating airspace that his grating vocals certainly don’t deserve. Par for the course, then.

Choice Cuts: ‘There Are Listed Buildings’, ‘Romance Is Boring’

5.5/10

Hot Rats – Turn Ons

Taking some time out from their day jobs in Supergrass, Turn Ons sees Gaz Coombes and Danny Goffney tackling a series of new wave, post-punk and rock classics likely to appear on any self-respecting indie band’s influences list. The predictability of the track listing is largely mirrored by the finished article – that is, it sounds like Supergrass and the songs largely speak for themselves. Even so, super-charged versions of Roxy Music’s ‘Love Is A Drug’ and Gang of Four’s ‘Damaged Goods’ sound great, as does the hammed up glam version of the Kinks’ ‘Big Sky’. Meanwhile, the whispy, atmospheric take on ‘Up the Junction’ is crap, whilst the majority are as agreeably irrelevant as the concept itself.

Choice Cuts: ‘Love Is A Drug’, ‘Big Sky’

6/10

Ocean Colour Scene - Saturday

Having owned the obligatory copy and cheerfully appreciated the four good songs of ‘Moseley Shoals’, I was under the impression that these Britpop behemoths had long since met their demise, but apparently this is their 7^th record since their 1996 breakthrough. Apparently the sound hasn’t changed much, meaning there’s more sub-Who melodies, sub-Weller vocals, and the odd Beatles off-cut (‘What’s Mine is Yours’) thrown in. In actuality, some of it isn’t half bad – the bar room stomp of ‘Mrs Maylie’ in particular is worth a listen – but there’s no ‘Day We Caught the Train’ to ease the sense that it’s all painfully inconsequential. ‘100 Floors of Perception’ maybe, but evidently not a single one that deals in brutal honesty.

Choice Cuts: ‘What's Mine Is Yours’, ‘Mrs Maylie’

5.5/10

Midlake - The Courage Of Others

After four full spins – including one where I sat, listened, researched the lyrics and read about the band’s background – I still can’t formulate any opinion on The Courage of Others beyond that in which my bile runneth over. Perhaps I’m cold and dead inside; perhaps this is unrepentantly boring, nondescript shit that’s too tedious even to classify as indulgent, despite wearing an air of misplaced self-importance. This one doesn’t even qualify as the Fleetwood Cack of their last effort – worse, this time it’s the Eagles if Don Henley had sung in a yawning monotone and never written a pop song. By the time the mildly energised folky psychedelia  of ‘The Horn’ arrives, you won’t be sure if it’s genuinely listenable or someone has applied some polish to the turd. Just awful.

Choice Cuts: ‘The Horn’

2/10