Worst Records of 2010

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Hadouken!: PLEASE MAKE IT STOP...

Amidst the abundance of wonderful, inspiring records released in 2010, there were also a handful of stinkers so unspeakably bad that they deserve to be shamed. Some were merely coma-inducingly tedious, others were self-important in epic proportions; the worst were so sadistically unlistenable they would cause nightmares for even the least discerning of listeners. Be warned: approach this catalogue of horror at your peril...

10. Blonde Redhead – Penny Sparkle (4AD)
Ditched guitars for electronica and experimental self-indulgence. Failed to sparkle.

9. Interpol – Interpol (Matador)
Gloomy post-punk and droning baritone stuck to type, but this time: no songs.

8. Crystal Castles – Crystal Castles (Fiction)
Destined henceforth to be scene but not heard.

7. Teenage Fanclub – Shadows (PeMa)
Ageing early fans cooed – proving a band now better suited to dinner parties than teenage fanclubs.

6. The Miserable Rich – Of Flight and Fury (Humble Soul)
Throttled the tongue-in cheek whimsy out of Neil Hannon’s chamber/baroque shtick. The bon mots and personality, too.

5. The National – High Violet (4AD)
Insipid, lumbering (and critically acclaimed) heartland-post-punk guff made by the most boring people in the world for the most boring people in the world.

4. Midlake – The Courage Of Others (Bella Union)
Wearisome, timid progressive folk drivel made by the most boring people in the world for the most boring people in the world. No great critical kudos, either.

3. The Courteeners – Falcon (Polydor)
A record so aggressively dreadful musically that you would be forgiven for missing Liam Fray’s wretched, misogynistic lyrics and nauseating cornball delivery.

2. Tobacco – Maniac Meat (Anticon)
Genuinely murderous faux-rap/crap-hop/psycho-rock effort from screw-loose loon Tom Fec. Impossible even to make it through one full play of two cuts featuring Beck’s moderating influence.

1. Hadouken! – For The Masses (Noisia)
The Leeds quintet proved their shamelessly disgusting genre-hopping trend-following bandwagon-jumping ‘career’ had run it’s course with this risible dance dirge which even the most chemically elevated scenesters couldn’t dance to, and the horrified casual radio listener couldn’t avoid given a chart placing (#19) which categorically proves the record buying public can’t be trusted. One positive: bad enough to give genuine hope there won’t be a next time.

Try some better records released in 2010 or check out the best songs of the year. 

Short Cuts! New Releases 25/1/10: Part 1

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*** Short Cuts Special - as there are a ridiculous amount of new records warranting review, this week's short cuts have been split into two parts. Apart from that, it's business as usual. Enjoy!

Fools Gold – Fools Gold

As unconcerned with geographical legitimacy as Vampire Weekend, but far more faithful to source material, Fools Gold’s energised debut traverses Kingston, Istanbul and Rio before settling somewhere between Fela Kuti’s Africa 70 and the house band on a week’s cruise down the Nile. Despite the scattered approach, the musical voyage seldom hits rocky waters, and the surf-tastic guitar tones provide breezily welcome reminders of home at regular intervals – sublime.

Choice Cuts: ‘Surprise Hotel’, ‘The World Is All There Is’, ‘Nadine’

8/10

Good Shoes - No Hope No Future

Where Think Before You Speak was a study in laissez-faire arrogance and relationship insouciance, No Hope No Future’s humbler themes of longing and relative heartache necessarily require a darker tone. Nonetheless, the hooks, whilst fewer and farther between, still can’t help but jostle their way to the forefront. And so, whilst clumsily politicised rumblers like ‘I Know’ are missteps, tracks like ‘The Way My Heart Beats’ and ‘City by the Sea’ are up there with the best from their excellent debut. Meanwhile, ‘Do You Remember’ shows off hitherto unseen guitar-smarts, with licks wound tight enough to befit obvious musical forebears XTC.

Choice Cuts: ‘The Way My Heart Beats’, ‘City by the Sea’, ‘Do You Remember’

7.5/10

Hadouken - For the Masses

Not as smart as These New Puritans, and not as authentic as ‘proper’ grime acts Wylie and Mr Rascal, this lot are destined to languish in chart and critical purgatory unless they up their game substantially.  Nonetheless, the realignment from nu-rave to more overt ‘grindie’ at least shows they’re thinking – now think about writing more than a splattering of listenable songs.

Choice Cuts: ‘Turn the Lights Out’

4/10

Tindersticks - Falling Down A Mountain

If love is a drug, Stuart Staples doesn’t half make it sound like heroin – and I’m not just talking about ‘Black Smoke’. Unfortunately, his seemingly impending descent into comatose arrest is the only thing which threatens to enliven the instantly forgettable lounge-jazz-cum-elevator-music which backs his mumbling inertia for the first half of this record. Having said that, I’m genuinely enthralled by the vocal-less ‘Hubbard Hill’, part of a better second half that goes some way to explaining why these nouvelle vag(ue)abonds still seem to retain the rub of the critical green.

Choice Cuts: ‘Harmony Around My Table’, ‘Hubbard Hill’

5.5/10

Spoon – Transference

Whilst by no means fully conversant with these highly acclaimed indie-rockers’ back catalogue, I’d nonetheless hazard a guess that this effort lies strictly in the middle of their creative road. Whilst Britt Daniel’s vocals are as pleasing whether he’s quietly composed (‘Who Makes You’re Money’) or carefully straining (‘Trouble Comes Running’), only the attendant clatter of the latter song type threatens to raise the excitement bar beyond a solid ‘B’. In short – half a dozen spoonfuls of sugar where one or two would have sufficed.

Choice Cuts: ‘Got Nuffin’, ‘Trouble Comes Running’

6.5/10